


Breaking

by orphan_account



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Blood, Blow Jobs, F/M, Injury, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, vulnerable Chilton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 05:44:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2013210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You stop by Frederick's house to surprise him, but you are definitely not prepared for what you find.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shards

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ciorane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ciorane/gifts).



> The lovely Ciorane suggested I write angst, which I have never done before! So I hope you like it and I hope that it's good??? (Is this even angst????????)
> 
> I had to make it two chapters because I got really caught up in poor Freddy's turmoil.

These days always seemed to sneak up on him, triggered by the smallest things. The billboard that Frederick passed on his way home from work had been changed today. It used to be an advert for a music artist on tour that would be doing shows in Baltimore, but now that the date had passed, the advert was taken down and one for Trix cereal was put up instead. It was an explosion of colours. The background a bright red, contrasting against the white rabbit that looked down at a bowl of multicoloured cereal. It had caught his eye when he drove past, but only fleetingly. Frederick gave it a disapproving look and continued down the street and headed home.

As he stood at his door, turning his key in the lock, his stomach growled. He walked inside, kicked off his shoes, threw his jacket and coat over the railing of the stairs and strolled into the kitchen, humming quietly as he swung his cane. He had some leftovers from last night, but he was suddenly in the mood to have a big bowl of his favourite cereal. He opened the cupboard where he kept all his cereal, but found himself staring at a completely empty cabinet. He was confused only for a brief moment before remembering that he had thrown his cereal out because he couldn't digest dairy products and he hated how it tasted with almond milk.

 _Right_ , thought Frederick bitterly as he closed the cabinet and went to his fridge to get the leftovers and warm them up. It was stupid of him, really, to have forgotten that he didn't eat cereal anymore. He hadn't had it in months, so how could he have forgotten?  _Just another downside to being sliced open like a fucking fish._

He sat at the kitchen table and forced down a few bites of his food before the noodles started to look like intestines.  _Fuck._ He squeezed his eyes shut.  _No. This is Chinese takeout. Not the inside of your stomach,_ he told himself, but it was no use. His appetite was gone. 

He buried his face in his hands and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down, but his heart had sped up and was showing no sign of slowing down. Images started flashing behind his eyelids: Gideon drugging him and taking him to the observatory, slapping his face to keep him from passing out, showing him his own kidney. 

Frederick's stomach lurched and he got up and ran to the kitchen sink, almost tripping and falling on his cane, which had fallen to the floor. He vomited into the sink while the images still ran through his mind, now along with sounds: the quiet murmur of Gideon's voice, the wet smack from his hands rubbing together before they cut his skin, the hums he made when deciding what he wanted to remove first...

Frederick turned on the tap and caught the water with his mouth to rinse out the taste of vomit. He then washed his face and turned off the water. And then he stood with his hands clutching at the counter as he tried to calm himself down, but the images were not going away and his stomach was churning. He squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his head. Water droplets forms on his chin and on the tip of his nose and on his eyelashes. They dripped down into the sink, making a high-frequency sound as they hit the metal.  _Should that be so loud?_

 

* * *

 

You shiver as you arrive at Frederick's front door. The wind had picked up since you left the house so you were colder than you had been when you first threw on the light sweater you had on. You were on your way to a new shop that had opened in the same direction as his house and had decided to visit him. It was the middle of the week and Frederick was probably busy with files, but you hadn't seen him in a couple days and you thought you would just stop by for an hour or so. If he wasn't home or if he didn't want to entertain you, you could just stick to the original plan and go to the shop.

You ring the doorbell and wait, but after a couple of minutes of waiting, there is no answer. Frederick's car was parked in the driveway, so you knew he was home. You frown and knock on the door, but still don't get an answer. Usually, you would leave, but you suddenly have an uneasy feeling settle at the pit of your stomach and you get the urge to go inside.

You reach for the doorknob and are surprised when you discover that it was unlocked. Frederick was usually so careful and safe with things like this. You crack open the door and call out his name. You don't get an answer so you walk into the lobby slowly. "Hello?" you call out. Again, there is no answer so you decide to leave and send Frederick a text instead, but as you turn to go, you hear quiet mumbling coming from the kitchen. So he was home, after all.

You smile, ready to tease him for not locking the door by saying you came to murder him, but when you walk to the kitchen you freeze. Frederick is hunched over the kitchen sink, his hands clutching at the counter so tightly that the veins of his forearms popped out and his shoulders trembling. His head is lowered and his hair is in disarray, having fallen over his eyes. His sleeves are damp and pushed up to his elbows and his tie is discarded at his feet.

"Frederick?" you say, but he just stands there, talking to himself. You can hear him more clearly now. 

"Stop, stop," he mutters. "Please stop…"

A shiver runs down your spine as you watch him. You have never seen him like this before. "Frederick?" You repeat, louder this time.

He lets out an exasperated sigh when you say his name, but you suspect he still doesn't realize that you're there.

You start walking towards him hesitantly, not knowing what to do. The movement catches his attention and Frederick turns to you abruptly, his eyes so full of terror that you gasp. "Fr-Frederick?" you stammer, "Are you okay?" It's a stupid question, you know, but you don't know what else to say.

He stares at you for a moment and before rubbing a hand against his face. "What are you doing hear?" he mumbles.

"I just wanted to stop by to say hello," you explain. "What's the matter?" 

You reach for him, but he flinches and steps back. "Nothing," he says. "I just… Nothing."

"Something is definitely wrong," you say. "You can tell me."

Frederick doesn't respond. Instead, he stands in front of you, turned towards the counter, clenching and unclenching his fists before he suddenly grabs a bowl from the rack of dishes by the sink and hurls it at the wall behind you. 

You gasp and duck instinctively, even though he had thrown it far too high for it to hit you. "Frederick!" You cry as he throws a plate against the wall, "Stop it!"

But he does not stop. He grunts as he keeps hurling dishes at the wall, his face overcome with a look of helplessness and desperation. You run to him and grab his face in your hands and lower it to face yours, but he keeps his eyes fixed on the wall. "Look at me, Frederick," you beg, "Please."

He struggles against your hands, but eventually looks down. When he sees you staring up at him, your eyes wide in fear and concern for him, your mouth parted, and your chest heaving, he is brought back to the present moment. Frederick whispers your name before dropping the glass he was holding in his hands to shatter at his feet.

You wrap your arms around his neck as he pulls you roughly against his chest. He strokes your back restlessly and buries his face in your shoulder. You feel him shaking against you as he whispers apologies against your skin. He doesn't have a reason to apologize to you since you know he was in an almost dissociated state when you walked in, but you don't say that to him. You also don't mention that he's holding you so tightly that your ribs hurt or that his chin is jabbing painfully into your shoulder. 

After a few minutes, he pulls away and looks down at you, his twisted expression showing concern for you, along with humiliation at what had just taken place. "I'm sorry you had to see that," he mutters.

You stare up at him, your mouth pulled down at the corners and your teeth clenched to keep your lips from quivering. _What were you thinking?_ You want to yell out, but before you do, Frederick jumps up and lets out a short cry. "Fuck!" he yells as he hops away from you.

You look down at the ground to see blood oozing from his foot and spilling onto the shards of the broken glass, on which he had just stepped. 

 


	2. Bandages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You tend to Frederick's injury and let him know what you think of him.

"It happens sometimes," he tells you after explaining what had gone on. "Some days. Not most days."

You don't look up from what you're doing. "Did it used to be most days?" You ask.

"It used to be all days."

You frown and keep removing any pieces of glass from his foot with medical tweezers. You had helped Frederick to the couch in the living room and helped sit him down. He sat with his injured foot on the coffee table as you got the first-aid kit. You sat on the table and treated his foot as he instructed. 

"I'm sorry about startling you like I did," said Frederick after a moment, "I was-"

"Don't," you cut him off quickly.

"It's just that I didn't mean-"

You interrupt him again. "I'm not going to let you apologize to me for having a panic attack," you say, the words coming out harsher than you intended them to. "It's not your fault." You hear him let out a deep breath as you return your attention to his foot.

"Yea, well, this is how I live now," he mutters.

He watches as you put down the tweezers and pick up an alcohol swab to clean his foot. You get an uneasy feeling in your stomach when he flinches from the alcohol over his cuts. "You don't deserve to live like this," you whisper. 

"People would argue with that. I'm not exactly the best person," he says. He tries to sound nonchalant about it, but you can tell it's not something he likes to admit. "If you had met me before my injury, you probably would have hated me."

"I could never hate you."

"You'd be surprised."

You don't say anything, and instead start wrapping his foot in gauze. The silence feels unsettling to the both of you.

"Are you mad at me?" Frederick asks.

"No, I'm not mad at you," you mutter.

"You seem mad."

"I'm not mad." 

But you are mad. Not at him, of course, but you're mad that this happened to him. You're mad that he's been through such a horrific incident and it kills you to see him like this. And it kills you that you will most likely see him like this again. And it kills you that he's been through days like this countless of times and he didn't have anyone there to hold his hand or help him talk it through. You bite your lip and blink quickly to keep the tears you feel forming at bay. You don't want to upset Frederick any more than he already is. Besides, you are the one that should be taking care of him right now, not the other way around.

"Well, I still think you wouldn't have liked me. Despite what you may say," Frederick says quietly. "People seem to like me a little bit more like this."

You still your hands and look up at him, your eyes narrowed. "Like what?" you ask.

He hesitates, looking away from you and biting his lip.

"Like what, Frederick?" you repeat, more forcefully this time. "What are you now that you were not before?"

You can tell that he's struggling to express his thoughts and feelings. After having started a few different sentences, but cutting himself off before he could finish them, he whispered, "Broken." His voice was so quiet that it took you a second to realize what he had said.

"You are not broken, Frederick," you say firmly. "And I'm not here to fix you. Because you don't need it. So don't apologize to me and don't thank me."

Frederick looks up at you, confused and curious.

"You were able to pick yourself up and walk out of that hospital and go back to work after what happened before you had me, or anyone else," you continue, your voice getting heavy with the frustration and despair you were feeling. "You know what that makes you?"

Frederick huffs. "A lucky bastard?" he offers.

"It makes you strong," you state, looking back down. "It makes you the strongest person I have ever known."

You feel Frederick's eyes on you as you tape the gauze in place, but you don't look up. When he says your name, you ignore him. "There," you say once you've finished with the foot. "Is this alright?"

"Y-yes," he says, lifting his foot off the table and placing it down on the floor.

You watch him for a moment, your chest heavy with the misery you were suddenly feeling. He looks back at you with uncertainty. You climb off the table and walk around it to him. He opens his arms for you as you climb onto his lap and hug him. 

"Thank you," he whispers, his body shaking as his grip around your waist tightens. 

You place a kiss on his jaw. "It's okay," you whisper. 

He holds you tightly for a while, his breaths dampening the crook of your neck and his hair tickling your ear. 

You pull back and kiss him on the mouth when you start to feel him relax. He kisses you back softly, but you deepen the kiss, running your tongue over his bottom lip, then nudging at it. He opens your mouth for your tongue and follows your rhythm. He pours all his agony into the kiss and you run your hands over his chest.  _I love you,_ you want to say, _And I never want to see you hurting,_ but you keep quiet, not trusting yourself to keep your eyes dry or your voice from shaking. Instead, you lower your kisses to his chin and start unbuttoning his shirt. 

You feel his heavy breathing on your cheek, and then against your hair as you lower your mouth to kiss his neck. You finish with the buttons and pull his shirt out from his trousers. You push the shirt off his shoulders and lower your mouth to his chest, scratching his sides with your hands as you go. You hear him whimper when you run your tongue over a nipple and he brings a hand to your head, his fingers tangling in your hair. 

His breathing gets heavier and his chest starts to heave when your mouth reaches the top of his scar. You run your tongue over it tenderly and you hear him sighing and whimpering your name. 

"You don't have to-" he starts when you start unbuckling his belt, but you cut him off.

"I know," you say, undoing the button and zip. You settle on your knees on the floor between his legs and he helps you lower his pants to rest around his ankles. You take his half-hard dick in your hand. It only takes a couple of strokes for it to be completely erect. You place a kiss at the base as your spread his precome around the head. He moans as you run the pad of your tongue up his shaft and around his head. You place a wet kiss on the tip before taking him in. 

His muscles tense and he lets out a shaky breath as you bob your head on his cock, massaging his balls as you do with one hand, the other one resting on his thigh. His moans and gasps send a wave of arousal between your thighs. You pull away and move your mouth to his balls, sucking on them while continuing to stroke his dick with your hand. Frederick's hand comes down to grab your free one. He squeezes your hand as you take him into your mouth again, moving faster this time, taking him in as far as you can with your mouth. 

"Oh my god," Frederick breathes as you pleasure him. His hips thrust up against your mouth involuntarily, causing his dick to hit the back of your throat. You gag a bit, but keep going. He takes your lack of protest as a good sign and starts thrusting his hips more, moaning your name as he does. You massage his cock with your tongue and suck when you can, but you start having trouble breathing properly, so you pull your mouth away and instead wrap your hand around his length and start pumping him. You climb up onto the sofa and sit next to him, not stopping the movement of your hand, and kiss him. 

Frederick kisses you back, breathless and panting. He licks at your lips and huffs into your mouth as he places shaking hands on your waist. "Fuck," he grunts. He kicks his pants off from his ankles and pushes you down onto your back. He shrugs his shirt off completely, then leans down, hovering above you with one hand holding onto the back of the sofa and the other by your head. You keep moving your fist around his cock and your thighs clench from your arousal as you watch his face: flushing, open mouth, frenzied eyes… 

"Stop, stop!" he cries out suddenly. You let go of his member and he grabs your hands, pinning them above your head as he kisses you roughly. He sucks and bites at your lips and you moan his name. He lowers his hands and pulls down your jeans and underwear. He pulls away so he can remove them completely, and moans at the sight of your soaked panties and your dripping pussy before burying his face between your thighs. You cry out when he licks at your clit roughly and grab onto the couch cushions.

He realizes that his enthusiasm was too much at first and mumbles an apology before running his tongue through your folds again, more gently this time. Your breath hitches as he slowly speeds up his tongue. He hooks his arms around your thighs so that your legs are resting on his shoulders as he licks between your folds and inside your entrance. He moves his tongue enthusiastically and roughly inside of you as his nose nudges at your clit. You moan and grind against his mouth. "Yes, yes, aah!!!" you gasp out as you bring your hands to his head and grab fistfuls of his hair.

Frederick feels you tense under him and pulls away, realizing that you're close to the edge. You whimper as he lets go of your legs, but he climbs back up to hover above you. His mouth, chin, and the tip of his nose are covered in your juices and both of you are out of breath. He lowers his mouth to yours and kisses you passionately. You moan as you taste yourself on his lips. 

You reach down and grab his dick and guide it to your entrance. "Are you ready?" he asks against your mouth. You nod, needing satisfaction. You wrap your hands around his biceps as he enters you, pushing as far as he can into your cunt. You gasp and dig your nails into his arms.

Frederick groans and pulls out and thrusts back into you again. He pounds hard into you but you were both already so close that it only takes a handful of thrusts before both of you climax. You let out a scream as you arch your back against the cushions. Your eyes squeeze shut as your pussy clenches around Frederick's cock. He groans your name and bites into your neck as he comes inside of you. 

You wrap your arms around him as he slumps against you. You kiss his shoulder, not minding that his weight is resting on you entirely. 

After both of you have caught your breath, Frederick sits up. He pulls you up next to him and helps you out of your sweater so that he can feel your skin against his own as he hugs you to him. He watches you as you wrap an arm around his stomach and rest your head on his shoulder. Your thumb strokes a small part of his scar and he is overcome with gratefulness. It was hard for him to believe that someone could even like him, let alone love him like you insist you do. And the fact that you thought that he was strong…well, he had never thought of himself as anything other than a coward.

"Thank you," he whispers shakily into your hair.

"Pleasure was all mine," you say, smiling.

"For everything, I mean," he says. 

"I know," you murmur. "And you don't need to thank me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually a really fun fic to write so thank you, ciorane, for the prompt! I hope everyone enjoyed it and please let me know what you all thought! And if you have anything you would like me to write about, just let me know in the comments :) <3

**Author's Note:**

> All Freddy wanted was some cereal :((((((((  
> Please let me know what you think and if you have any ideas of what you would like to see from me! xxx


End file.
